Dear Marlo

Dear Marlo,

the first time I saw your short video on “how to be a girl” I cried all the tears I had. Not because I was scared or afraid about who my child was but because the feeling of finally sharing my experience with someone who truly understood had made me feel part of a whole. Families like ours, in our own peculiarities, all feel the urge to belong. This is not weakness, it is simply the nature of the human being. So we exchanged emails. I remember you saying how much we had in common: same age, both separated, both single moms, both opening a blog, both trying to help by sharing our own experience. Today I would add: both sharing the same fears.

People tend to think that if you open a blog, if you put yourself on the first line to advocate for somebody’s rights, then you are not touched by fear nor doubt. Maybe, I have to admit, I made the same mistake with you.

When you wrote me saying you were coming to Barcelona and asked me to meet, I was excited and a little afraid.  Beside being honoured by the fact that in such fast-scheduled trip to Spain you felt like fitting me in.

I was expecting some sort of tall, up-to-date, fancy American business woman. Really!!! (how funny, right?) So waiting for you in your trendy hotel dressed with my 50cent shirt I had to do my best to keep a sort of fancy attitude myself!

This is why when I came in and you where talking to Michela, I started stammering. I thought you were some tourist asking for the bathroom. The woman in front of me was a sweet, normal, unpretentious woman. Just like me. Were you also wearing a 50 cents shirt?

In a second I felt the easiness of the American people. That peculiarity I love so much about you. The feeling of being home. In a second we were two women on the same path. I was interested in what you were telling me just as much as you were interested in what I was telling you. You were honoured to meet me just as much as I was honoured to meet you. And at times there was no need to talk. We already knew it all.

A whole week would have not been enough to share all we had to share or to tell each other all the stories we had to tell or to try to dissolve our doubts and fears.

The afternoon we shared, dear Marlo, was one of those moments that make life worth living. It was easy, nice, deep, full.

People should know and understand how much women and moms like us need support. How much we need to feel not alone. How tiring it is to bring on our shoulders the heaviness of being strong.

I was surprised listening to your fears, I was amazed seeing the love in your husband-to-be’s eyes, I felt incredibly lucky to be there at that time experiencing that deep connection between us.

As you can see it took me weeks before finding the time to write and I have decided to do it publicly because I want people to understand how important feeling supported and understood is. The path we are walking isn’t easy, but the surprises that it brings along the way are  amazing.

I am looking forward to coming to Seattle. To let our kids meet. To enjoy more time together.

One of the moms of our group the other day told me: if you talk to Marlo tell her that I would like so much to hug her! So here I am  to pass the message.

You wrote me: “I’m back now, and want to say how amazing it was to meet you.  Thank you so much for making the journey and taking the time.  I loved our talk, and our interview.  You are such a wonderful advocate and your work is so important”.

Well I send you the same words and feelings back. Moms like us, those who fight in public and those who fight in private, know how important we all are for one another.

I am looking forward to hearing our podcast but first you have an important event to attend!

Lots of love to the three of you! Let our efforts bring us all where our kids can be happy and respected.


3 thoughts on “Dear Marlo

  1. What a beautiful story of two amazing mums facing the fear that all parents of trans children face. How to protect their children from an increasingly hostile world which is being fed by a hostile media.
    Thank you for providing the loving and supportive family environment which will allow your children to grow into mature, loving adults

  2. Ma il padre (o i padri) dei suoi figli dov’è? Ho letto diversi episodi del suo diario, quelli che mi sembrano più biografici per capire com’era il rapporto con sua figlia, ma la cosa che più di tutte emerge per la sua assenza è l’assoluta interazioni di questi ragazzi con la figura paterna, al che mi chiedo: c’è? è morto? li ha abbandonati? non c’è mai stato? la sua figura non è mai stata presente presente nella loro vita?

    1. C’è, è vivo, siamo separati da 6 anni, vede e sta coi figli come la maggior parte dei padri separati. Fa qualche differenza? No perché considerando la scarsa partecipazione di una gran quantità di padri alle vite dei propri figli se la varianza di genere dipendesse da questo le statistiche sarebbero ben diverse no? Ma magari non volevi riferirti a questo.

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